I know that I am a mimosa, a wimp, but rarely I nag my friends about my problems. I think I belong to those people, who want to solve a problem by oneself (but I don’t think that I get it). Anyway, I use this journal now for my blahs and frustrations.

Since two weeks I feel lonely. I’m often lonely, I admire the loneliness many times, but this time it’s not the same. I feel like I’m losing something. Missing something. Or someone.
I have friends, I have a family and I have a boyfriend. I should be happy! But I don’t have a best friend. That’s something that hurts deep inside. But I can’t afford it.
I’m still without a home. Well, I have a place where I can eat and sleep – my flat in Zurich. And I can go home to my parents. But that is not what I want! And I HATE this city! And by the place where I grow up, there is no future for me. I think I have to high requirements to a best friend. Because I’m also not a bum or an egoist to my best friend. I want to be there for my friends problems, to help where I can, to supporting it. But do I get something back? I think yes, but not how I wish. I have too high requirements to myself and so I demand it of my best friend. That’s a mistake, I know.

And for the rest, I don’t know enough words in this language, for to explain myself. But I’m disappointed. I’m gutted by others, and myself.
I wish, I could leave this place. Live in a house in a rural area with a big garden wehre I can plant my trees...